Is it a verb? Is it a noun? Well, it's not Superman!

I had a little wander down to our Conference room earlier today, as the Communications Team was holding an 'open house' session to find out what we thought about the restructure, and how the organisation had changed since they last took its pulse.  (If any of you work here, you'll know the answer to that one:  It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim; it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead!)

Sitting around the conference table, puzzled frowns on their faces, pens and post-its in hand, were three programme managers.  Programme Manager (PM) pay grades go from £28,695 - £35,256 a year).  I am a lowly Assistant Programme Manager (APM) and unlikely to ever rise above that grade.  In some organisations the cream rises to the top.  In others, shit floats.  I'll leave you to make up your minds when you read the latest exchange:

PM1: 'What's the difference between effect and affect?'
PM2: 'I don't know.'
APM (me, ignored): 'It can vary, both can be verbs and both can be nouns.  What is your context?'
PM1: 'Does anyone know the difference?'
PM2: 'I'm not sure.'
APM (me, louder now): 'It can vary.  What are you trying to say?'
PM3 (waking up at the sound of unfamiliar words): 'Verbs and nouns?  I've never known the difference between those two.'
PM2: One is a doing word and the other isn't, but I'm not sure which is which.  I know the difference between a noun and a proper noun though, does that help?'

I'll tell you what would help: a cold compress for my head, which I banged, slowly and methodically, on the conference table.

These are English nationals, born and (ha!) educated here in the UK.  I guess they were smoking behind the bike sheds during English lessons.  They certainly weren't paying attention.