Dive's Revenge

Those of you who have been with me from the very beginning may recall 'Dive', the next-door neighbour of the Chelsea Flower Show standard front garden (see details of his encounter with Bella here http://lindamusing.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html). He has now exacted his revenge in a totally unexpected way. He has built an extension.

This may not seem an obvious act of revenge, indeed, digging up and paving over his pristine lawn makes my patch of garden look less like a wasteland. No, the revenge comes in two forms: he rebuilt the garden wall between our two properties and told me proudly he was going to 'finish it off neatly with a trench of pea shingle'. 'Whatever,' I thought. What wasn't clear - until I got home one evening - was that he meant my side of the wall! OK, that means the nettles that were neatly positioned by the driver's door were no longer a threat to my bare summer legs, but it also means I've lost lily of the valley, snowdrops, daffodils, day lilies and valerian. I was not a happy person that day, I can tell you. Fortunately his windows were closed and he didn't hear me cursing, 'Where are my fucking flowers?!?!?!?!?!' in my stage whisper ...

This trench of pea shingle is like one huge outdoor litter tray for the neighbourhood. I can almost hear him thinking as he planned the extension: 'That'll teach her to let her cat piss on my trousers. Every other cat can crap in her garden now.'

And the extension itself? Well, it's been built up to within a gnat's crotchet away from my garage wall and the additional rain water going into my guttering (which he damaged when he moved it) is bouncing off the 'litter tray' and splashing back up the garage wall, causing vast amounts of damp.

Thank goodness Bella only pee'd on him. What would he have done if she'd taken a more, um, solid approach?

Neighbours, eh. Can't live with 'em, not allowed to shoot 'em ...