I am worth $1,532,070 on HumanForSale.com

Well, next time someone tells me I look a million dollars I'll know I'm having an off day!

Next time the L'Oréal advert tells me, 'You're worth it' I'll say, 'I know!'

Next time I feel low because of something someone says to me at work (not for much longer though!) I'll remember that I'm worth over $1.5 million and start to feel better.

And to my friends who may be wondering - to me, you're priceless!

At last!

I've been offered a job! And I only went for the interview today! I really got on well with the man I'd be working for and felt we had an instant understanding (no, it was not a lust thing - I don't fancy him and I'm probably old enough to be his mother). Before that I had a chat with and HR person and had to trot out the same old answers to the same old questions: 'Can you give me an example of a time when you .... ' It's so hard to answer those questions and sound fresh and enthusiastic when you've answered them a dozen times (more, in my case!) because you don't want to sound as if you've been looking for work for more than 6 months and are getting desperate. I felt a bit deflated after that. Then I had a test on Excel, which I am not good at - just basic add and subtract, really! So I couldn't do all of that, and some of the bits I could do were pure fluke ... At the end of the Excel test I almost said I didn't think there was any point in wasting the European Financial Director's time but I thought, 'I've come this far...'

Anyway, we seemed to hit it off, he said I was one of the strongest candidates he'd seen (he hadn't seen my Excel test results though ...) and that he only had one more person to see. I went home and phoned the agency to tell them how it had gone and they'd just got off the phone with him - he hadn't even seen this afternoon's candidate and he wanted to offer me the job! YIPPEE! The extra salary will be eaten up with petrol costs because it's 17 miles away, and although it's a shorter working week, my day will be longer because of the travel but I don't care, it's a proper job, doing proper work, not just sorting out the post and reporting leaking toilets like I've been doing for the past 18 months.

They want me to start on 2 January. That means I don't have to give my notice in unti 5 December, and I'm on holiday from 21 December until 3 December anyway (offices close, plus I've taken 2 days extra). With the overtime I've done recently, and the holiday I'll have accrued to the end of the year, I could actually finish on 11 December - effectively only 1 week's notice. How funny that would be, considering it takes them a good 3 months to get around to placing an ad for staff ... HA HA HA ! And I wouldn't feel bad AT ALL about leaving certain colleagues to pick up the pieces, seeing as they've been so quick to put me down all the time. If they think they can do the job better or do without me, let them try.

I will miss some of my colleagues. Some, I can't wait to see the back of...

Where does the time go?

I can't believe it's 20 November and I haven't written my blog for almost 10 days. I'd like to say that it's been one long round of pleasure but, of course, it hasn't!

Having had bugger all to do for 18 months at work, everyone is now taking the p**s and piling on the work. I did actually say to one of my managers that it was too little, too late. She looked as if she was about to cry, but so what? I feel like crying there most days!

I've had interviews, seen other jobs to go for, been up to London for a board meeting - which was great, made me feel useful, and gave me an opportunity to do something worthwhile - and we've had Children In Need, which I helped out on. We've raised about £300, which is better than last year's £250. I hope, for the sake of my sanity, that I'm not going to be in the same job when next year's Children in Need comes round!

So, if you value my sanity as much as I do, keep your fingers crossed for me! I have to get another job AND SOON!

Bad manners

Aside from the basic good manners taught me by my ultra-polite parents, I also learned a good deal of etiquette and manners while I lived in France. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on other people who haven't had the benefit of living in France as I did, but surely some manners have nothing to do with geography and everything to do with common courtesy?

Take my (least) favourite person, Mozzie, for instance.

• When you go into someone's office, it's polite to say hello to those who are already there - especially if you share that office with them. It's not polite to waltz in, as Mozzie does, generally late, and only say hello if your line manager is there.
  
• If you're making yourself a cup of coffee, it's polite to offer to make one for other people in the room. It's not polite to wait until one person (me!) is out of the office for a nano-second to grab the tray and rush to the kitchen and then say, 'Oh, you weren't here, I didn't know what you wanted.'
  
• It's not polite to question people about everything you overhear them say.
  
• It is polite to ask your office-mates if it's OK to open or close a window.

Am I being unreasonable to expect a certain level of common courtesy from someone who is 21? I might expect this kind of behaviour from oiks in their last year at school, but not from someone who is sharing an office with me.

I think I probably am being unreasonable, but it's hard to keep a grip and stay calm when every single day is a struggle against incompetence, thoughtlessness and downright rudeness.

I may not be a celebrity but GET ME OUT OF HERE!

City College interview

I feel as if I'm on some kind of soap-opera-style game-show! I had an interview at City College this lunchtime as PA to the Principal. What a joke! The little boy who interviewed me (an HR assistant, not even an HR manager) looked like a teenager in his dad's suit - you know, the collar too big and the tie knotted too big, and he'd spent far too much time on his hair getting it to lie flat - and he read all the interview questions from a sheet of paper. I kept wanting to stop and say, 'Did you get all that?' because he was writing pretty slowly.

After half an hour with the little boy, a little girl came to collect me to take me through the typing test. She kicked off by saying, 'D'you wan' the loo first?' and then, 'We've got anuvver person comin' in for in'erview so she's gonna do the test at the same time as you.'

How unprofessional! Candidates aren't supposed to meet each other! Anyway, the next candidate didn't turn up so we got started. Little girl said, 'It don' ma'er 'bout akracy, we just wanna see how fast you can type, right, so don' bovver wiv c'rectin' anyfink.'

After my ten-minute typing test (which they'd cribbed from Southampton City Council) I was escorted back across the building site that is City College to reception, where I handed in my visitor's pass, and then went to the loo before leaving. Leaning against the basins, fat belly showing, was a cross between Vikki Pollard and Lauren, talking on her mobile 'phone. I went into the cubicle and sat down, and this is what I heard:

'Did you phone my mobile phone? Did you though? No, but, did you phone my mobile phone? Did you text me? Did you text my mobile phone? Did you though? No, but did you text me? Did you phone me? Did you phone my mobile phone? Did you though? Did you call me on my mobile? Did you though? Did you?'

I'm glad I was sitting on the loo. Even if I hadn't been, I'd have wet myself anyway.

I don't think I want that job. It's all just a bit too naff for me!