City College interview

I feel as if I'm on some kind of soap-opera-style game-show! I had an interview at City College this lunchtime as PA to the Principal. What a joke! The little boy who interviewed me (an HR assistant, not even an HR manager) looked like a teenager in his dad's suit - you know, the collar too big and the tie knotted too big, and he'd spent far too much time on his hair getting it to lie flat - and he read all the interview questions from a sheet of paper. I kept wanting to stop and say, 'Did you get all that?' because he was writing pretty slowly.

After half an hour with the little boy, a little girl came to collect me to take me through the typing test. She kicked off by saying, 'D'you wan' the loo first?' and then, 'We've got anuvver person comin' in for in'erview so she's gonna do the test at the same time as you.'

How unprofessional! Candidates aren't supposed to meet each other! Anyway, the next candidate didn't turn up so we got started. Little girl said, 'It don' ma'er 'bout akracy, we just wanna see how fast you can type, right, so don' bovver wiv c'rectin' anyfink.'

After my ten-minute typing test (which they'd cribbed from Southampton City Council) I was escorted back across the building site that is City College to reception, where I handed in my visitor's pass, and then went to the loo before leaving. Leaning against the basins, fat belly showing, was a cross between Vikki Pollard and Lauren, talking on her mobile 'phone. I went into the cubicle and sat down, and this is what I heard:

'Did you phone my mobile phone? Did you though? No, but, did you phone my mobile phone? Did you text me? Did you text my mobile phone? Did you though? No, but did you text me? Did you phone me? Did you phone my mobile phone? Did you though? Did you call me on my mobile? Did you though? Did you?'

I'm glad I was sitting on the loo. Even if I hadn't been, I'd have wet myself anyway.

I don't think I want that job. It's all just a bit too naff for me!