A new level of nonsense

I see from my last post that I've been quiet on the blog front for over 2 years.  That is not to say I have been quiet here at my desk, far from it!  I have challenged poor performance, poked fun at patronizing attitudes and all in all ensured that I shall never rise above the ranks of mere 'Assistant' Research Manager, although I manage to do everything that most Research Managers do and more besides.  That aside, the virtual silence needs to be broken because the petty bureaucracy in this place has reached new levels of lunacy (or fuck-wittery, as a dear friend would very accurately call it).

I'll try to keep this brief (although I am sorely tempted to reproduce the email I received from someone who should know better ...)

A screw came out of the handle leading to the ladies' loo on the 2nd floor - not into one of the cubicles itself, but the little room containing 2 cubicles and a hand-basin.  There were 4 screws in the handle, so one being missing did not affect the use of the door in any way.  Nevertheless, the head of Facilities (who doubles up as the Wellbeing Officer ...) put a 'closed' sign on the door.  Of course, anyone with an ounce of common sense  continued to use the loo which is just as well, because no attempt has been made to repair it so after two weeks I brought in a small screw from home and fixed the door myself in a matter of seconds.

Temptation and discretion have fought it out and temptation has won.  This is the email I received in response - I've highlighted the bits that have really annoyed me and added my own comments in blue:

I’ve just learned that you undertook repairs to a door handle in the first floor toilets; that you then took it upon yourself to reopen the facilities and return the out of use sign to reception.  Well, yes, I was happy to let them know I'd saved them a job!

I realise that you were trying to be helpful (patronizing cow) and speed-up a repair which I’m sure from your perspective seemed to be taking too long. No 'seemed' about it - it was taking too long!

However, the toilets are the landlords (if you would like a lesson in the use of the apostrophe, please let me know) responsibility and only the landlord can authorise and instigate repairs in their areas, using their approved contractors.  By undertaking the repairs yourself, you have made liable should any damages arise; Damages?  From inserting a screw into a pre-drilled hole designed specifically to take a screw? Get real. there is also likely to be an impact on our insurance, How on earth has the insurance got involved, has she gone running to them to say, 'A pro-active member of staff has carried out a repair, thus saving the organisation time and money and inconvenience' and if so, has the insurance company said, 'Well, you're in trouble then!'  and we are now having to explain and manage the consequences with the landlord – a relationship which is tricky at the best of times.   What consequences? Get a grip. If she has the same high-handed attitude with the landlord as she has taken with me, I'm not surprised the relationship is tricky!

There are very good reasons why all such faults are managed by the Facilities Team (Managed?  Managed?  I don't call 2 weeks without someone coming out to put a screw in a door handle 'managing') and why even that team is not allowed to undertake any repairs or even keep tools on the premises.  Shot yourself in the foot there, lady.  If they are not allowed to keep tools on the premises, how did they manage to REMOVE THE SCREW that I had put in the door handle?  Yes, you heard me, they reversed the repair!

So whilst I understand Do you?  Do you really understand? your frustration at delays for apparently small, simple faults – please do not ever again undertake any repairs or interfere with the working of the Facilities Team; it is completely unacceptable.

I hope you'll agree that it is the tone of her email that is unacceptable, AND the fact that a) she can't organize a simple repair and b) she has actually reversed a perfectly acceptable repair to make a pathetic point.  As for 'interfering with the working of the Facilities Team', if they were working, there would be no need for any intervention on my part!

The tears of anger flowed on Monday afternoon - the injustice of it all was heightened by the fact that I had just spent my lunch hour decorating said Ladies' loo with fairy lights, providing a scented reed diffuser and luxury handcream AND disposal sacs because frankly the sanitary disposal bin looks more like a butcher's block than anything else.  I have put the matter in the hands of my line manager, who has not responded, so I suspect that I shall have to get my revenge in my own way.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.  I can wait.